Opening Up Before You've Healed

There's no point in picking at a scab. It doesn't make anything better, it just makes it last longer and could possibly leave a scar. So why do we do it?

I've done this with the biggest wound I have. I picked at it, I couldn't just let it sit and heal, I constantly played with it, pulling, picking, prodding, scratching, scraping, anything I could do to keep it fresh. I'm not sure why I did that, maybe I just didn't want to let it heal, whatever reason, it only made things worse. If I had let it heal I would've been able to sit back and take a look at it, reflect upon how I got it, and what I learned from it. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. But I kept picking at it, I kept keeping the memories alive. I always thought that I had a chance, that there was some hope for a second chance. I mean, everyone else gets a second chance, why am I the only one who doesn't? There's so much I would do differently, so much I would enjoy and cherish this time around. Instead, since I couldn't let it heal, I'm left suffering with it, constantly going through the same pain that's been there this whole time. All because I couldn't didn't want to let go.

Now I've done it again, picking at the same kind of wound, however this one much fresher. I know I should just let it heal but once again I won't. Instead I'll deal with 2 wounds, incredibly similar, but completely different. I'll try to let them heal so that maybe I too can heal, but I know I'll pick, I'll always pick. It's tough to let things heal when you can still hold them in your arms, or when you have so few memories without them. So I pick and re-live, instead of healing and living. But I'm trying. I'm trying.