She's a Man, Baby! Yeaaaah

Seriously though. One of the things that gets me the most about the Oscars is the fact that a lot of the winners are barely in the theaters when they win, mainly just put out at the time closest to the Oscars to try and garner more consideration.

But onto the main post.

Hilary Swank is a man. Seriously. Aside from looking at her, but really, look at her. She's manish. The short hair, bulking biceps, manly man looking face. Look at the roles he/she's taken... The Next Karate Kid, Boys Don't Cry, and now, Million Dollar Baby. 2 Oscars for manly type rolls.

Sad thing is, I bet her penis is bigger then mine.

I think the reason why my blog entries run few and far between is I'm trying not to write too much about my former life, yet it's what is also all consuming of my current life. So I'm basically at an impass, write too much, or not write at all.

Happy Valentines Day to those who are celebrating it. I'll be celibating it.

I know the majority of the time I write for myself, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish someone other than myself read it. I won't get picky and ask people to comment on anything, but sometimes, just sometimes, human interaction is good.

It's Strange Indeed...

... how memories can lie dormant in a man's mind for so many years. Yet those memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just by something you've seen, or something you've heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.


One thing I've realized in this self reflection period I've had is how lonely I am. Most of the time I'm surrounded by people, yet I have the same feels as when it's just me. I've always been a loner, having found more amusement in my head then what could've been offered by the company of the standard person. But lately it's something different, something totally different.

At times my heart aches out of lonelyness, screams out at times. It's no secret that I've lost my wife, and while that sucks completely, that's not what hurts me the most. Despite being my wife, she was my best friend, my partner in crime for a good portion (practically 1/3) of my life. I miss the companionship, the spark that was between us, the spark I still see the few times we have seen each other since.

I find it hard that I am relucatant to let our relationship go. Throughout my life I'm notorious for getting lazy and just giving up on everything I once displayed a passion for, so I would've figured that I could've just dropped this like the rest and just moved on, but for some reason, I can't. And I'm painfully reminded of that every day. I guess we just have to take that part of our lives together and bury it, not because I want to, but because I have to.

I'm sure the red fern has grown and has completely covered the two little mounds. I know it is still there, hiding its secret beneath those long, red leaves, but it wouldn't be hidden from me for part of my life is buried there too. Yes, I know it is still there, for in my heart I believe the legend of the sacred red fern.

Every weekend I sleep on my couch instead of my bed. I'm not sure why exactly, maybe it's the memories of times past, or it could just be that my couch is more comfortable then my bed. I'm sure it's one or the other, if not he combination of the two.

I will be happy when I can sleep there and not have a nightmare though, that would be nice.

Often times I'm amazed at our society, and how picky we've become. Back in the old days, someone bought you a present, you accepted it with a smile, and lived with it. There was no returning and item, or exchanging it for a different one. You kept what you got.

Well as we become even more picky in our desired gifts, we have what I just recieved. A gift card that is exchangeable, for another gift card. At first I thought it was a joke, a gift card for a gift card. People sure put a lot of thoughts into their gifts these days.

The Triple Lindy

It hasn't even been that long since I've been off campus...but it feels like forever. The school is bustling with students, like it always is pre-drop date. In a couple of weeks it'll be down to a comfortable crowd with decent, yet never ample, parking.

I don't know if I'm the only person who does this, but the more I people watch, the more I make up little bios for the people I see. Who they are, where they've been, and what they aspire to be. It could be because I'm still trying to figure all that out about myself. One thing I never do however, is judge the people I'm observing. It's not my point or purpose to ridicule as my purpose is just to observe and make my surroundings more interesting.

Yeah, that's right, I'm 27 and still really don't know who I am, or what my future holds. I thought I did, but thinking you are something and acting like you are something are completely different. It's a lesson learned, sort of, the hard way. I say 'sort of' because while I am a student, I'm not completely acting like one. So while I've learned a lesson in one aspect of my life, I've yet to apply it to the others. Never said I was perfect.