It's Strange Indeed...

... how memories can lie dormant in a man's mind for so many years. Yet those memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just by something you've seen, or something you've heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.


One thing I've realized in this self reflection period I've had is how lonely I am. Most of the time I'm surrounded by people, yet I have the same feels as when it's just me. I've always been a loner, having found more amusement in my head then what could've been offered by the company of the standard person. But lately it's something different, something totally different.

At times my heart aches out of lonelyness, screams out at times. It's no secret that I've lost my wife, and while that sucks completely, that's not what hurts me the most. Despite being my wife, she was my best friend, my partner in crime for a good portion (practically 1/3) of my life. I miss the companionship, the spark that was between us, the spark I still see the few times we have seen each other since.

I find it hard that I am relucatant to let our relationship go. Throughout my life I'm notorious for getting lazy and just giving up on everything I once displayed a passion for, so I would've figured that I could've just dropped this like the rest and just moved on, but for some reason, I can't. And I'm painfully reminded of that every day. I guess we just have to take that part of our lives together and bury it, not because I want to, but because I have to.

I'm sure the red fern has grown and has completely covered the two little mounds. I know it is still there, hiding its secret beneath those long, red leaves, but it wouldn't be hidden from me for part of my life is buried there too. Yes, I know it is still there, for in my heart I believe the legend of the sacred red fern.