Crushed

Today began like normal, some slight changes, but nothing that would lead me to believe that I was going to experience something as Mac Truckish as what just happened to me.

I'm going about my daily business having arrived at work an hour early because of a co-workers illness when I look up at my computer screen and see something that shook my body to the core.

The clock read: 8:06

What the hell.

It's only been an hour. It feels like a fucking eternity. I'm not even usually at work yet.

This sucks.

Questions Answered

Calvin and Hobbes

I grew up on this comic, relating closely to the ulta-imaginative toe-headed Calvin so when I run across and old comic like this, I can't help but think of the influence it's had on me.

La Cucaracha

I'm not sure what it is about Lunch Trucks that draw people to them, but for the most part they seem to be a stable industry.

My former father-in-law would often frequent them, and I myself find myself grabbing food that is often over-fried, and sometimes, indistinguishable. Most of the time I just get soda. I've learned my lesson from the burritos however, as my ass has strictly forbade eating certain foods. I've had to exercise my veto power sometimes because nothing beats a BLT at 10:25 am.

I need to quit blogging about my ass. This is sad.

Inventor

Don't ask me where these ideas come from, I don't know. I'm a slave to my brain, I just do what he tells me to.

That being said, I have a new invention that is going to revolutionize the industry.

You ready for this...

I really don't think you are...

But yet you're still reading...

Ok, you asked for it then...

Here goes:

My new invention is a combination mini-comb that's made out of toilet paper and completely flushable.

Say goodbye to skids.

We have the butt comb.

The solution for those in the world, with hairy asses.

Would it be wrong for my mansion to have comb teeth pillars out front? :)

10,000 Leagues Out Of Mine

Had this memory when I was driving to work today.

I remember in 5th grade, I had just been dumped by my girlfriend of 3 years so that she could date another boy in class. Sad, I know. We hadn't even kissed yet. Sad, I know. I just wanted to make sure she was 'the one'. No, I'm kidding. I have no idea why I never tried, oh well, I guess I preferred pulling hair and pushing to kissing and light petting, who wouldn't.

So it's like 2 months after the breakup and I'm on the rebound. I'm looking for another girl to not kiss. So I choose one, she was cute and nice, but a far cry from the hottest girl in class, who had just turned my toe-headed heart into mush.

Her name was Emily, her family helped raise seeing eye dogs. She was plain but polite. I really knew nothing much of her as a person, although we'd been in the same class the last 3 years. What can I say, cliques are a biatch. I asked her out...and she said no. We were in the library, which was nothing more then a broom closet filled with books. I had given her a note earlier in the day, and was following it up with some face time. "Smooooooooth Operatooooorrrrrrr".

She said no, she didn't want to be my girlfriend. She couldn't understand why I would even ask. Did she know she was the rebound girl? Did she know sloppy awkward kisses awaited her? Did she know that she should've just been happy to be nominated? She was Charlie in the Chocolate Factory and I was Willy Wonka, didn't she know what was going on? Apparently she did, because she said no.

Interesting tangent to that story, I still remember where I was when I was dumped by girl #1 in that story, I was on the phone with her friend in my parents kitchen, under the table. She kept saying I need to call Jennifer but wouldn't tell me why, so I called her and she broke up with me. I was trying to keep it calm after I hung up the phone, the family was going out to a movie. I was just leaving the kitchen when my brother came up to me and said "What's wrong, you look like you were just dumped". I burst into tears and ran into the bathroom and cried my eyes out. Then we all went and watched 'Rain Man'.

not much to say really.

It's time to climb up, and dust myself off. Today is a completely new day, new world, new beginning, and this time, it'll be better.

Without you, I wouldn't be today that which is me
Without me, so much better off you would be.

I wish this wasn't true. :(