In Good Health

I had my prostate examined today. It wasn't as bad of an experience as I thought it would be, that's for sure. He was very gentle and soothing. Quite professional despite the compromising position. It definately wasn't cold and formulaic, he made me feel right at home.

I think now that I'm not so scared about it, I should go to a doctor and have it done. But like I said, the guy at the train station was very nice.

Keeps going and going and going and going

I'm not the energizer bunny. I'm the store-brand wookie. For some reason, my batteries can't keep their charge. I find myself tired, lethargic, and just plain burnt out after a few hours. I'm banging my drum, marching along, and then the drumming gets softer, the marching gets slower, and that damn ass pink bunny goes shooting by me.

Where's my crossbow when I need it.

I think the weirdest part is that I tend to get recharged multiple times throughout the day, for various reasons. Sometimes, like right now for instance, it's the bellowing laugh of my co-worker. It just brought the biggest smile to my face, and all of a sudden, my batteries are at full charge, and I'm one again ready to take on the world.

Where's the fucking pink bunny! His puffy little tail is mine!

smother, smother, smother, smother

smoosh, smoosh, smoosh, smoosh

squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze

Sometimes you'll see my picture in the dictionary

I was reading my daily articles catching up on anything but work when I came across this article. I laughed so hard I started to cry, and I think I might have even peed a little. It's a good read, it really is.

Here

Read article before continuing.

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No really damnit

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So, of course, to make the title make sense, I fell for it. While I've seen 'Onion' articles abounding on the internet, I haven't really paid much attention to them. So after reading an article like that, knowing the subject and subject matter, I really really really didn't think that it wasn't true. It sounds like something he'd do. Really it does.

But yes, look in the dictionary under gullible, you'll see me smiling and waving.

We are Siamese if you please

When you spend a lot of time with someone, it's only natural to want some time alone. I am not that way. In fact, I'm smothering. I constantly love to hear from my baby. Text messages, e-mails, on the phone...I can't get enough. Especially when I know it's going to be longer than normal til I see her again. I'm annoying with my incessant messaging. I want you to know that even if I'm not by you, I'm still constantly thinking of you. And of course, I love hearing the same thing back. :)

What can I say, it's good to love, it's great to be loved!

I think the problem comes in the fact that no one has as much free time as I do at work. So they don't seem to e-mail or text me back, and I'm left feeling lonely. Of course I know how the other person feels, yet I still just am unable to shake this feeling of lonelyness when I go a couple of hours without a hello. :(

The Write Stuff

"Stay up all night, writing and writing, like 25 pages of dribble...just to fucking write."

On most nights, this is my internal feelings. I just want to write, write, and fucking write. That's why I have a blog, a poker blog, a website, etc. I love writing, I just don't. With everything going in my life so hectic and fast paced as it is, it's tough to justify sitting down and just writing. I wish I wrote for a magazine, with deadlines and a theme. I wish I was writing a book. I had an idea for one, but I'm really not sure the world out there wants to read it. I know that's really no excuse not to write it, but it's difficult because at this stage in my life, I want results. I don't want to have a 300 page book that's just going to be read by me and my friends.

I'm one big break from completely changing my life around. God help you all should I get enough money to not work 9-5.

But back to the original point. Should I keep writing just to write? Random blogs, poker journals...or should I spend that time trying to organize thoughts into a book?

Self-Doubt

I'd say this was going to be a revelation entry, but my two faithful readers both know me well enough to have observed my revelation. I suffer from self-doubt. Often. Sometimes it's slight and I can blow it off, sometimes it's all consuming and will eat up an entire day.

I'm a dreamer, and like most dreamers my dreams are lavish and extreme, big houses, millions of dollars, change the world type dreams. I've been good of late chasing and pursuing these dreams and doing my best to make them happen. Somehow it seems, I always get shy when it comes to pulling the trigger. I can't say it's from being burnt, because I haven't been burnt often or hard enough to make an impact (IMO), I guess I'm just a wuss and afraid of the bang.

Overcoming who you've been is the hardest thing I've been learning how to do this last year. It's so easy to be one way and be so comfortable to not change how you were. After all, change is put in our heads to be bad. But I beg to differ, change is good, sometimes great.

I dunno, I've just been blah of late. Too many processes going on in the dome I guess.

All Holes Filled With Hard....

My computer is a whore. Seriously. As we speak, it is filled with not 1, not 2, but 3 different USB stick devices. Such a dirty girl.

Ok, maybe I am the whore. A techno-whore. I have my ipod shuffle plugged into one port, my ipod into another, and my 1gig portable flash drive plugged into a 3rd. My computer is stuffed like a turkey.

Funny thing is, I can't get enough. I want my technology bigger, faster, more powerful. I'm a bad, bad bear.

All Hail 2006!

So it's a new year, time for new resolutions, new promises, new blah, blah, blah.

Screw that. No half promises, no hopes, no dreams. This year is the year of action. My 'summer of George'. And that's not just because I'll spend 1/2 of it in boxers on the couch eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.

Welcome everyone to 2006. The Year of the Ben.