Break Me Off A Piece

I need a break. A vacation. Something.

I'm exhausted from not doing anything. Really. I'm in such a funk that I can do nothing and be tired from it. Lovely.

I need to go to a place where I can be up for 48 straight hours and get it out of my system. I need to go to a place where I can play poker for 48 straight hours and get it back in my system. I need to play real craps. I need buffets, shows, and slappers. I need to watch the fountains of the Bellagio for 2 hours with nothing better to do. I need Vegas.

High Hopes

It's funny how how my mind works sometimes, the fantasies my head runs through while waiting are always joyus and fairytaleish, even though reality always proves otherwise. Wait, did I say funny, I meant sad.

So I had been anticipating an e-mail, basically the only contact I have left. I expected pleasantries and such, just nice small talk. Instead I get the division of community property in the form of snapshots of memories past. I really don't want to go through them for many reasons.

A) I don't want to relive
B) I don't want to see what was left from what was taken (probably just pictures of me felt)
C) I just don't wanna

Acceptance is a bitch. I just want to tuck them all away into a corner, which is what I'll probably do.

Oh well, onward and upward. I have so much other stuff to do.

He Shoots, He Scores!!

So I got my credit score today, I was a 695. While not outstanding, I was greatly, greatly pleased with it. I've struggled the past couple of years with debt, and as I'm nearing getting out of debt, it's nice to see that reflected and my score starting to climb up and get better.

I don't quite remember what my score was at it's lowest but I do remember it being significantly lower than that. So I guess I'm not a complete risk anymore. Woohoo!

Once Upon A Time....

I was married.

Actually, it's been almost a year since we split. This has been the quickest year in my life, seriously.

In the course of this year, I've re-examined my life more times then I'd like to. I've re-lived most of the memories we've shared, and have even visited a lot of the places the memories take place in. I haven't reached the point where I can look back fondly on what I had without some pain, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to eventually, or at least, with minimal pain.

And slowly, I've changed...this time, not for the worse. I'm more independent and self-reliant then I've ever been. Things I didn't used to do I now don't even mind doing (well, except dishes damnit!). While the new Ben is certainly not perfect, he is definately improving.

I still miss my old life, but I'm starting to accept my new life, and actually enjoy it. A little.

Ouchy

The back of my mouth is swollen where a wisdom tooth used to be. Apparently, when I had it removed 7 years ago, they left a little piece still in there, which just moved it's way up to the top and ripped through. I removed that little piece a couple of days ago, now the whole area is pretty swollen and painful.

I really can't wait for it to be better, so I can go back to eating like a pig.

The Results Are In

Somehow, and I'm not really sure how, I pulled B's in all 3 of my classes this last semester. I really wish I could see my finals for those classes, because I really have no idea how I got better then a C in 2 of them. Oh well, I'll take it. 10 more credits in the basket. My study techniques improved towards the end of the semester, but that was only after slacking it had put me in a little of a bind. I never was a great student, but I made up for it by being a good test taker.

I am really, really, really, really unsure about taking classes this summer. No I'm not thinking about discontinuing my education, but like I said previously, I have so much going on that if I don't take the time to get them set up properly, it'll just be more "Ben Ideas" that never come to fruition. Of course, knocking out 6 credits in 8 weeks appeals to me as well.

Guess I see what I have ahead for me this weekend, considering summer school starts on Monday.

Procrastinators of the World Unite!

...tomorrow

I really wish I could conquer procrastination. I do believe that is one of my biggest flaws. I have many projects I'm turtling along with but I know that if I was to actually work hard on them, I could get an amazing amount accomplished.

But somehow sitting on my couch and watching tv or taking a nap just seems to appeal more to me. Some people are just lucky, some people work hard, and some people let life pass them by. Which people are you?

I don't wanna die anymore
I want to live it up
I don't want this life anymore
But I can't give it up
I can't live a lie anymore
I need to give you up.