When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best

So what does that say if you don't send a Hallmark card?

So my birthday came and went. I'm 28 now fuckers. Can't you tell I'm happy?

I never check my mail, as all the bills I have coming to me are already here, but of course I'm going to check my mail on my birthday. I had exactly 0 cards waiting for me, having recieved 0 the day before. All my birthday wishes came in the form of phone calls, text messages, and e-mails. Just two people wished me a live Happy Birthday, well, aside from those who see me every damn day for the past 7 years.

I'm kind of weird about presents, because I usually don't want people to get me anything, but I'm often curious as to what they'll get me. One of my favorite birthday presents happened on my 21st birthday. I was given a bottle of DiSarono Amaretto by a coworker. I was 21 and of course new to alcohol, well, aside from the majors (tequila, vodka, rum, etc) He said it was his favorite and even told me a few drinks to make with it. I like this because it was pretty thoughtful in a sense, it wasn't just happy birthday, here's something for you, it was, here's something I like, I'm hoping you would like it to. And by doing that, not only did he give a present, but he gave a window into the giver as well. Gifts like that impress me.

The Price of Tears

No man is worth your tears, and when you find the man who is, he'll never make you cry

I see this phrase around a lot and I've been thinking about it for days now, and I've finally decided to make a stand.

That phrase is shit. Really it is. Get over it.

There are 3 ways to feel about someone (for the most part) love, hate, indifference. Now from the sound of that, hate seems like the worst of the 3, but it's not. Indifference is. It takes more heart to hate someone, then to just feel indifferent about them. Like the people who claim they hate something, but still devote their time to listening, hating, writing letters of complaint.
The indifference is for the people you see every day, the driver of the Green Toyota that drives by you and does nothing to warrant a second glance. They didn't cut you off to feel your wrath, they weren't beautiful enough to earn your admiration, they were just there. The people who live and die daily, right under our noses, but because we are indifferent, their lives mean nothing to us.

But the people we love, those are the people who require all of our emotion. Not only our highs, but also our lows. Who didn't go through high school and at some time hated their parents, only to be successful 30 years down the road and completely love them having learned from their tough love and probably raised their children the same way.

As far as your boyfriend/girlfriend goes, no one is going to be perfect, so of course there is going to be some let down, but it's only from the lows that you experience the highs. You never want to hurt the person you care about, but it's going to happen, and the person who sheds tears for you, only does that, because they care so much about you. I'd be more concerned if they didn't.

4/20

For many people 4/20 has meaning, whether it's about smoking pot, Hitler's birthday, or the anniversary of Columbine. To me it's a day of rememberance, a day I look back and realize that I didn't quite know a person I really cared for, and finding out more about her after the fact, just makes me wish I could've known her better.

True Story:

My Grandpa, Grandma, and Aunt were out to go camping one night. The pulled into the campsite pretty late as it was already dark. My Grandpa and Grandma go off to find a campsite, leaving their 7 year old daughter in the car with the doors open, so the light would stay on as they had taken the flashlight. So off they trek into the woods.

Shortly after they leave, someone walks up to the car my aunt is in, and by walk I mean, on all fours. It seems a bear had come to investigate the light and the contents of the car. Like any normal kid would do, my aunt started screaming, which of course, didn't do much to scare the bear. It did however alert Grandpa to the situation. He turned and bolted back to the car, flashlight in hand. Which of course, left Grandma alone in the dark woods, with a bear about to be shooed potentially in her direction.

Everyone ended up safe and unharmed, but it's a shame I didn't get to hear this story 1st hand, I would've loved to hear her tell it. So here's a moment of silence for the sweetest woman I've ever known, the one who fixed me peanut butter and butter sandwiches and gave me Hansen's Mandarin Orange sodas. A woman I wish I would've spent more time getting to know.

Puff, Puff Give...Us the New Pope

I just heard one of the funniest most ignorant things I've ever heard...this week. Suprisingly (NOT) it came from my boss.

Apparently as he sits at his desk doing nothing but watching TV, it's grown on him how much he doesn't like the coverage of the Conclave to elect the new Pope. It actually bugs a couple of the people in my office. Why exactly? Well, they think it's stupid. I know it's extremely tough to argue against such logic and well thought out reasoning, so times like this I don't even try. However if it was a conclave of bikini models trying to elect the new slut, they'd be watching it like the New Years countdown.

But anyway, on discussing the people standing outside the Vatican waiting to see if the new Pope is elected as they visit, my boss had this to say: "It's stupid. It's just like the people who wait out all night to try and get onto American Idol." Hmmm, new religious icon of the next 25 years, or new pop star of the next 15min. I see how those go hand in hand. I mean, I do understand that it's tough to compare Pope John Paul's humanitarian work to that of the work done by Ruben Studdard, but let's cut the pope a little slack, Ruben is a lot younger.

So yeah, I just had to get that out there today. Who cares about the Pope, let's listen to William Hung sing "She Bangs"....again.

Shiney Happy People

People often speculate that everything bad happens for a reason so that we can learn something from it. Where are those people, I'd like to kick them in the face to see what they learn from that.

Well, aside from learning not to talk positively in front of the insanely cynical.

Hmmm, interesting. Touche happy people.

Okay I do somewhat believe in what they say. However, do you ever notice that they're never saying that when something bad is happening to them? How do people muster up the strength to feel positive in their darkest hours? Is it an inborn trait, or something that can be learned, instinct, or practice?

For me I usually use some form of media for inspiration. I'll pop in a DVD that gives me energy, or listen to a song that has been proven to lighten my mood. While they're not necessarily sure-fire, they work. Which is all that really matters.

Switchfoot "Dare You To Move"

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

Pick You Up At 8?

It's funny, I'd seen this girl around campus for a while now. Absolutely adorable, just beautiful, but I've often just tried to admire from afar as she's the type when you're around her, you can can't help but feel self-conscious about yourself. Like everyone that passes by you when you're talking to her goes 'Why is she talking with him?'. Everytime we've talked, I've always walked away a little flustered, wondering what exactly it would take to make that girl mine. So the other day I finally got up the courage to ask if her if she'd like to have dinner with me. While I didn't get an outright yes, I didn't get an outright no either, so I guess that's hopefully. As we parted ways I was still a little worn out from trying to keep my composure, trying to come off better then I am. But the main thing that kept passing through my head was...

Is it wrong that I just asked my ex-wife out on a date?

Odd Man Out

Last night was fun, I was in a room with a dozen people around my age, some single, some married, all of us had jobs. But apparently, some of us had good paying jobs.

It's sad when you're the one person out of 12 who's renting, especially when even the single people are dropping $300k on a condo and not even worried about the price. I knew I made shit, but I didn't know I was made to feel like shit.

Life's progression is you're born, you go through school, you date, you get married, you buy a house, have children, raise children, get old, then die. But what happens when you start moving backwards down that line? I was 4 deep and on my way to 5 and 6, and now all of a sudden I find myself back at 2, with friends who are on 6 and 7.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just felt like bitching.