Dramatic

In case this is the where you read and said that I was being dramatic and offered a suggestion as to what would help me, I'll explain.

I have, that's never been a problem or the solution to the problem. In fact, it was this last time that got me thinking about you again. Surprisingly I was not thinking about you in terms of in bed or anything like that, but it was everything else. It was the comfort of you being next to me, the joy of seeing you in my house when I came home, it was you.

I love you with my heart. All of it. I had hoped that burying myself into others would help distract myself and help me move on, but each and every time I was left realizing that sex wasn't distracting me from the love I missed.

So I'm trying to get over you and believe me I'm trying to not bother you with it. But it's love, I can't control the feelings I have, I can only stop texting you with "Will you Marry Me?"

I've always prided myself on having a great natural logical instinct. Basically I can analyze a situation and using what I've observed of the situation, be able to come up with a logical solution. Basically this came from me playing detective and secret agent when I was younger.

Now it's so natural I can't help but always try and put two and two together. Of course, at times since some situations I am unable to get verification that my deduction is right, I'm left thinking, constantly re-analyzing the evidence wondering if the lack of this means that, etc.

It's tough trying to turn off such a big part of your life.

I must like it when my heart is broken, because why else would I do something that I KNOW is going to cause a reaction that will break heart.

And I do it over and over and over again.

Sometimes I get so passionate about things that I'm afraid to let things run their course, hoping that if I keep my attention on it I can influence and guide it the way I want it to go. Of course, this is exactly the wrong thing to do as I know I have other things that are so much more important to focus on that are better for me.

But sometimes I'm that scared little boy who loves his new pet kitten so much he squeezes it to death.

Where It All Began

Last night I watched a movie that I'm sure was one of my early influences in my love of musicals. I hadn't seen this movie in at least 15 years, if not closer to 20 but one of the songs had always stuck in my head.

Cinematically, the movie is pure B movie, and while the story is lacking the movie itself is captivating, with 100% 80's style songs and crude low-brow humor. My type of humor.

The movie is "The Pirate Movie" a spoof of the Pirates of Penzance with references to even more pop culture movies of the time. It is now on DVD and while utter crap, this was one of the first musicals I ever remember seeing and as I watched it last night all the memories of the first times I saw it came flooding back to me. It's at least worth a rental, or once I get my copy, I'll let anyone borrow it to increase this movie's cult following.