Me? Shy? Ha! I laugh in your general direction.

I was reading something today and it sparked a thought in my brain, which of course, given the right conditions can grow to a tree in a little under 15 min. It's something I'm completely guilty of, yet often find myself missing the feeling of.

I consider myself a masculine man (although I have been known to show my feminine side), I belch, I fart, I strut, I'm asked to open tight lids, and carry big boxes, I have body hair, and depending on circumstances body odor. I will flex in front of a mirror if I'm missing a shirt (or more) and I think no one is watching. I've bandaged wounds, shrugged off injury, ignored blood. I may cringe during a movie, jump at a scare, but I rise to the occassion in a time of emergency.

Yet I get incredibly shy going in for the first kiss.

I think that's funny. But I love the feeling. When we're in relationships, the further the relationship progresses, the more we revert to our caveman days. We lose tact, we lose romance, we see boob, we grab boob. We think we've earned the right. I may be wrong, but wasn't the feeling of the first time we touched our significant other better? Not only was there the feeling of "Yay! Boobies!!" but also the "Wow, I can't believe I'm touching her. I've been waiting to do this." It was the combination of senses. The first kiss, so shy, yet so beautiful. Sure, there are times it's awkward, but that goes away as we get older, but it's also what makes it more magical. The laughter when both heads turn the same way and noses are bumped.

I'll admit I'm a complete caveman once a relationship is going. I'm not sure why, I guess it could be explained by my love of physical pleasure, but it's not meant as disrespect. I love even more the feeling of acceptance from your partner. The times she takes my hand and guides it to where she wants it. The times she vocalizes what she wants. That's what makes me weak. Maybe the caveman is trying to jumpstart that by his actions, who knows. He is, after all, nothing but a simple, primal caveman.

Some things I just don't understand, I try to, but I can't seem to grasp it. Maybe it's the analytical side of me, rooted in numbers and %'s, it doesn't add up. But even when I look at it with my heart it still doesn't make sense.

I guess if you haven't experienced it, it's hard to understand. I haven't, so I don't.

I wish I had the words to express exactly what you mean to me. I know my actions have often times proven otherwise, but you are such a huge part of my life, thoughts, and heart.

I kissed your head as you slept today before I left, you let out a contented groan. I melted.

I'm...

too mentally exhausted to...

pretty much do anything.

I guess I just need to remain focused.

Embracing the obvious has always been tough for me.